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BYH, overheard Barack saying to Don the Con: 'A copy of my birth certificate is stapled to your indictment'....

Best of 2018 Bless Your Heart

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The new Chacellor’s residence in Star Hill Farms subdivision on Jan. 17, 2018. (Molly Mathis/The Daily Reflector)

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The Daily Reflector

Sunday, December 30, 2018

Today we pay tribute and say thank you to the contributors to the Bless Your Heart column. These writers, who are also our readers, offer criticism, humor, advice and appreciation about all kinds of topics and they are asked to do it in a required length of 60 words or fewer. A look back at some of our favorite 2018 entries offers its own unique year-in-review — Bless Your Heart style.

Bless your heart to the ECU Homecoming Committee. Let us know the new Homecoming parade route leading to Star Hill Farms. There should be ample room for the dignitaries to sit in grandstands in the chancellor’s new front yard. Can’t wait to see this!

ECU, wait! I’ve got a better deal! Larger house, closer to campus, located in prestigious neighborhood, better layout for entertaining, have hosted many large ECU events in the past, 10 acres, more parking space, no pool, but then no pool maintenance costs, will sell for less than the other one. Will throw in a grand piano, a poodle and garden gnomes. Call me!

Bless our hearts, I am calling out the Tightwad Tipper for much-needed Valentine’s Day gifting advice. Hear our pleas!

Here’s a little love from Triple-T: If your girl ain’t tippin’, she must be trippin’. If your woman ain’t payin’, then you ain’t playin’. If your squeeze ain’t springin’ she best not be clingin’. But if your old lady is putting down plastic, keep her ‘cuz she’s fantastic! Not so sincerely, The Tightwad Tipper.

BYH teachers. Good luck with your handgun against an assault rifle.

BYH to Hooker Memorial Christian Church for Ashes to Go. It was a true blessing to participate in a small, but meaningful, observance of Ash Wednesday. Continue to “think out of the box.”

BYH to the the Ashes-to-Go folks. It kind of gives new meaning to the term “Holy Roller.”

Why doesn’t McDonald’s sell a Chicken McNugget sandwich?

BYH, just in case you missed the news recently, here is a synopsis: Me too. Time’s up. “I call BS.” Mueller probe. Money laundering . Obstruction of justice. Collusion. Russian interference. Blue wave coming. NRA is a nefarious organization. What price liberty?

Bless the hearts of all the men who are trying to decide what to get the wife for Valentine’s. I came out and asked my wife of 30 years straight out. She replied that she wanted a divorce. I asked her to pick out something for about $20 instead.

Bless your heart to the two best ever (my opinion) BYH entries, fixing the chancellor’s house with Chip and Joanna and the Honda golf event which was nothing more than a Tiger Woods love-fest broadcast. Keep up the wonderful comments in BYH.

Bless our hearts, when are the streets of Greenville going to be safe again? Oh, I don’t mean for us. I mean for our vehicles.

BYH, no matter how big your house is, how recent your car is or how big your bank account is, our graves will still be the same size. Stay humble.

BYH, someone wrote that Greenville is the only place they have ever lived that they could have pollen under the snow on their car.

In case you missed the news lately, here is a synopsis: March For Our Lives, never again, we call BS, vote them out, Stormy speaks, pre-election payoff, you deserve a spanking, congratulations on your sham election, Vlad; I should be president for life like Xi; you’re hired, Fox News; welcome aboard, Bolton; we’re all going to die!

BYH to the LimeBikes. I love the concept. But if a LimeBike breaks down, would it then be a lemon?

Bless your heart to the foolish chess board at the library. Why don’t we raise money to fix our streets so people can get to the library? There are some potholes in this city that you could easily hit and disappear forever.

Bless your heart to the person still complaining about the chess board when the roads have yet to be resurfaced. The chessboard is being paid for by private donations, so no city funds will be used.

No BYH to this segment of the paper. It should be called Gripe, Gripe, Gripe! I recently saw the Southern translation of what “bless your heart” really means and it fits most of the gripes that are sent in. “Bless your heart” from a Southerner means “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but you’re an idiot.”

Why do people want to go around with their underwear showing and their pants below their butt? It looks terrible. People don’t want to see your underwear. It looks ridiculous. Grow up, bless your heart.

BYH and RIP, Barbara Bush.

BYH, I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everybody is okay with that.

Most of you have heard the expression, “A rising tide lifts all boats.” Try telling this to someone who doesn’t have a boat.

I would like all BYH contributors to join me in a march to force The Daily Reflector to pay us for submissions that are printed. I feel like my submissions have been worth somewhere in the range of about $8 over these past few years. That high-strung radio guy has even mentioned one or two. And when he talks about our stuff, you know you are about to hit rock bottom.

BYH, I’m so angry I could vote!

BYH, never just believe internet quotes from famous people, but check multiple sources to confirm them. I think I read on Facebook that Abraham Lincoln said that.

God bless all those who paid the ultimate price for freedom. We remember you. We honor you. We thank you.

An article about (author) Tom Wolfe’s white suits in The Daily Reflector got to the heart of the matter as to the meaning of (the expression) “bless your heart:” “The suit reflected his Southern upbringing and said something about the sort of proscribed politeness that goes along with that geography. It’s the bless-your-heart brand of gentility that is decorous and polished on the surface, but sharp and piercing just below that.”

BYH, you need an alternative column: IDKAT (I don’t know about that.)

Do away with the Bless Your Heart column? Never! The BYH column gives a voice to the weak and downtrodden. No one else will listen to us. The BYH submission form is like a beacon of light guiding us to a safe haven. Thank you, BYH, for listening to me and my kind.

Please bless my heart, I miss Obama. Heck, I even miss George Bush.

A rousing BYH to all Pirates who have gone over to the dark side to cheer on the Tar Heels in the College World Series. It may even feel sort of good.

BYH Greenville traffic cops: Texting and driving is illegal, so catch ‘em.

A big bless your heart to Bethel School Buddy Pack suppliers. This has been such a blessing to my family as well as others. I know it takes a lot of time and love to prepare such beautiful bags for our students. You are greatly appreciated.

BYH to the person complaining about “thousands” of cigarette butts on the ground. This is what you get when a bunch of butt-inkskies (see what I did there?) make it so an adult can’t have a cigarette with a drink in a bar! Cigarette butts were disposed of properly back during the sane era.

BYH to the person who selects the BYH submissions. Are your readers so stupid they can’t see your obvious bias with the anti-Trump rants getting posted while anything that even remotely paints Trump in a positive light never gets posted? Shame on you, Daily Reflector liars.

A great big bravo to Greenville Noon Rotary and its local partners for the leadership in creating the Field of Honor at the Town Commons. This spectacular flag display honors heroes and is the positive, unifying message this country needs, now more than ever. (May)

Wow! I just saw two great bands on the Town Common in a four-day span, The Wannabees and On the Border, the Eagles tribute band. Way to go, City of Greenville, keep up the good work! BYH!

BYH to my paper carrier! Passing my paper like a baton in a relay race absolutely made my day! Love you!

The plan to brand ECU is excellent, but not the branding of “Pirate” and “Aarrg.” A definition of “pirate” from Dictionary.com is “a person who robs or commits illegal violence at sea or on the shores of the sea.” Is this what ECU is trying to brand and promote? ECU has very good schools in arts and theater, medicine, education, engineering, business, etc. and all we can find to brand are pirates. Pathetic!

BYH to the misguided landlubber who doesn’t like the Pirates. Should we be the ECU Singers, ECU Cavities, ECU Internists or maybe the ECU Protractors or Calculators? As a history major and graduate, pirates are fitting. Read a book.

Bless your heart, I am outraged that they are putting hydrogen in the water, and there is twice as much hydrogen as oxygen now!

Add up all of the shooting deaths so far in 2018. How many of them were due to “being necessary to the security of a free state” and how many were simply innocent lives lost? When will the conversation turn from “right to bear arms” to how do we stop this?

Bless your heart to the reader who suggests the Democrats “reach across the aisle.” You should know that the only thing Democrats reach for is our wallets.

BYH, if you are more fortunate than others, build a longer table rather than a bigger fence.

Peace, love, compromise — as opposed to win at all costs. Extremists both left and right are divisive. I pray that we will learn this before it’s too late.

I will say one thing for President Trump. He is saying what many people think but are afraid to say because of liberal backlash. He may never win another race, but he will always be my hero for keeping Hillary and Bill out of the White House. Bless him. Bless him, indeed.

I see the 10th Street Connector is nearing completion. Another three years to paint the lines and we will be on our way, bless their hearts.

Bless your heart to those that would give a man a fish and feed him for a day. A bigger bless your heart to those who would teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime. Promise a man someone else’s fish and you create a lifelong Democratic voter.

ISIS is no longer a threat, but “ICE is.”

BYH, try to stay informed, not just opinionated.

BYH and RIP to the dinosaurs. I can’t believe it’s been 65 million years already. Always in my thoughts.

I favor censorship of Facebook posts which show specimens with extremely white teeth. Those fake smiles with those extra bright teeth are a little too much. Tone it down a little. Know when to quit. Old people with extra-bright teeth remind me of those rabbit teeth we got at Easter.

Bless our hearts, let’s all pull for the Pirates this year and get the team back on track. Greenville bleeds purple and gold and when we win, our city is green with money. Go Pirates!

BMH. I’m not sure what pulling down all the Confederate monuments achieves. Does it mean the Civil War never happened? I sure can rest easier.

Symbols of hate and oppression have no place in our public spaces. Those who would preserve monuments to the Confederacy need to remember and have empathy for those who suffered greatly under that regime.

The leaves will soon be turning their golden browns and reds, and the Brook Valley Shortcut will be beautiful in all its majesty. It is time for Greenville to have the BVS designated as a scenic highway. Maybe put a sign up on the Blue Ridge Parkway indicating how to get to the BVS.

I was in the second grade when the teacher told us to all go home because Hurricane Hazel was coming. So my brother and I rode our bikes home over a two-mile course. We dodged limbs falling into the road. Mother asked why we were home and we told her Hazel was coming! Not much warning back then.

Bless your hearts, North Carolina. With Hurricane Florence bearing down on us, may God hold us in his everlasting arms.

BYH to all those poking fun at those trying to warn us about getting our infrastructure better prepared for stormwater and flooding. Are you laughing now?

I propose that the DR have a special section for “Brook Valley Shortcut” updates. The section would offer information on stormwater runoff and yard sales and would notify us when the autumn leaves are at their brightest.

Thank you to the City Council for not appointing a citizen’s review board for the police department. What brainiac came up with the idea that ordinary citizens should be playing Monday morning quarterback for a trained professional?

After I airbrushed my Facebook profile photo, I now look better than all my old classmates. Age has really hurt them, but not me.

I think all the talk about the Brook Valley Shortcut has overshadowed the talk of trophy wives. Now that the rich men have returned from spending the summer at the beach, they brought their trophy wives back to church. All the pews are overflowing as these trophy wives saunter down the aisle in those sundresses. Get behind thee, Satan!

I enjoy seeing the people at the three-way stop sign on the Brook Valley shortcut in front of the club house. Everyone who stops at the stop signs are so friendly and cheerful. They wave at you and let you go first. Who says high-class people are not nice!

My granddaughter loved playing with my adding machine. My great-granddaughter does not know what it is.

When will the excitement return to ECU football? Even the chicken wings taste soggy. We need to turn this thing around and get back our swagger.

Bless the hearts of all who work with the public who call me “ma’am.” Try using “miss” instead — it makes me feel younger.

The Avett Brothers are coming to Greenville! Thanks you to all those responsible for bringing them to our community. Our music scene continues to grow and my friend in the band is coming home to play!

November is National Adopt a Senior Pet month. Bless the heart of every person who gives an older pet a loving home.

BYH to everybody! Go get your flu shot! Please — for your sake and mine. A lot of insurances cover the flu shot for free! Go check it out. You will be glad you did! Go get it before you get together with everybody for Thanksgiving. Just do it!

BYH to BYH editors. Oh, what submissions you must have to wade through!

Do any of my brothers and sisters on BYH have any questions that you need answers to? My brother-in-law is coming for Thanksgiving and there is nothing he does not know.

BYH. First they came for the journalists, but I did not speak up because I wasn’t a journalist. We don’t know what happened after that.

No, I do not think they will come for the journalists. There seem to be more journalists than people to read the news. And it would too expensive to feed the journalists and outfit them in last year’s clothes.

BYH, I never use turn signals; it’s nobody else’s business where I’m going.

BYH, those who don’t study history are doomed to repeat it, while those of us who do study history are doomed to stand around helplessly while others repeat it.

BYH Scottie — sorry to see you go. Maybe you can stay for awhile in the chancellor’s mansion. It should be empty shortly.

Thanks to all the people who work hard to make the holidays happier for the less fortunate. You show the world what Christmas — and being a good Christian — is all about.

Liquor in the Town Common? How much liquor was served to come up with that $20 million transfer ECU made to the athletic department? That is where we need restraint on drinking.

BYH, try not to think about that planet-killer comet heading our way. Happy New Year!

I love reading the Bless Your Heart column. On any given day, I would estimate the sum of all IQs of the writers for that day to possibly reach 50.

BYH speaks truth to power. Power hates that.

BYH to the cooler days of fall. We thought they would never arrive!

BYH, life is like a game of chess. I don’t know how to play chess.

BYH to the youth. There are lots of things to worry about in the world, but please remember to clean out your dryer’s lint trap before you start a fire.

I would like to resign from a job and receive $500,000. No! The majority of us would be happy with $5. What’s with giving away my tax dollars?

Bless my heart for reading BYH.

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