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BYH, some see the glass as half empty. I say just get a smaller glass and quit complaining....

Sept. 12 Bless Your Heart

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Thursday, September 12, 2019

Another report of a man being robbed at gunpoint. The time was 2:20 a.m. So I can mark myself safe from armed robbers at 2:20 a.m. unless they break into by bedroom. And even then I am not too worried as my wife, Dancin' Darla, is about 265 pounds and the meanest woman in Pitt County. So mark me safe again unless she rolls over.

BMH, please help me. I'm afraid I may have Tourette's syndrome. There is a commercial on TV that ends with the phrase "Live Fearless," and I cannot stop myself from uttering "-ly" under my breath in a vain attempt to correct this atrocious sin against proper grammar. Should I see a doctor?

BYH, be good enough to forgive someone, but not dumb enough to trust them again.

Sing a song of Trump-Pence, a White House full of lies. Four and twenty criminals right before our eyes. When the perps are questioned they all begin to sing. Now isn't that a lovely dish to set before the King (of Israel)?

BYH, do you want a good chuckle? Ask a Trump supporter to defend Trump without saying “Obama,” “Clinton” or “Democrats.” Yes, it's cruel but it's hilarious.

BYH Democrat presidential hopefuls. You think that no hamburgers will effect the climate and in less than 20 years the planet will be uninhabitable? Well, I'm going to keep driving my SUV to Cubbie's and I'll vote for the other guy no matter who it is.

BYH to irony or is it hypocrisy? The same people who taught you to hate Russia now hate you for questioning Russia.

BYH, the earth is large enough for all to share, but mankind's heart is not large enough to care.

BYH: Conservatives are alive and well in North Carolina. Congrats to Greg and Dan. Keep America great!

I read where Sarah Palin and her husband were divorcing. Sarah was always one of my favorite politicians. If you are a beautiful and fetching woman you do not necessarily have to know what you are talking about. We need more good looking woman in politics so us old men can be distracted away from whatever political nonsense they are spouting. Do not overcomplicate things.

I have quit giving to the Pirate Club, political candidates and the church. My wife said I am going to the bad place regardless. Now I have enough money to buy the more expensive craft beers and no longer order from the dollar menu. I have finally put things in perspective and now am even more depressed than I was.

BYH to the person complaining about educating inmates. The reason most people end up in prison is because of a lack of education. Providing them an education or at least the skills for a career will better the chances they will not be repeat offenders.

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