Storm: When chancellor moves out, I'm ready to move in
Sunday, January 28, 2018
I’m thinking of making an offer on the Dail House.
For those of you who haven’t been keeping up with the news, the Dail House is the former residence of East Carolina University’s chancellor. I say “former,” because the historic Fifth Street home apparently wasn’t suitable for the entertainment needs of a chancellor, so he and his wife are being moved to ritzy new digs.
That means the house needs a new tenant, and I am ready to make my move.
Now, I know you are probably thinking, “But Janet, what about your entertainment needs?” After all, one ECU official sniffed that the Dail House’s kitchen “is barely adequate to prepare a meal for a family of three.”
Here’s the thing, though: If I need to feed guests, I can just order pizza. And the size of the kitchen probably won’t be too much of an issue, seeing as it will be used to feed me and my two little dogs, Ollie and Einstein. I mostly eat cereal for supper and Ollie and Einstein eat kibble so I doubt we will stretch the cooking quarters past capacity. All we really need is a microwave and an oven suitable for baking cookies.
I have been studying some photos of the Dail House’s interior, and the chancellor and ECU Foundation board would probably be surprised to hear that I think it is actually a bit bigger than the townhouse I currently occupy. It would be nice for the Storm boys to have more space to scuttle around in, dragging blankets and ratty old toys.
The grand double staircase in the front hall might be a bit of a problem, because Ollie isn’t much of a climber. But I figure I can install one of those chair lifts that I see advertised on TV. I have a notion to decorate it like a little chuck wagon to entice Ollie aboard. If that doesn’t work, I think we could probably just install a daybed in one of the sitting rooms.
I am not worried about crime, because Einstein is a fierce little fellow who regularly startles people delivering packages or just walking by the front window of our current residence. And I think it would be nice to be nearer to the ECU students — I might even be able to hire a couple to carry Ollie up and down the stairs and give Einstein belly rubs.
I expect the heating bills will be slightly higher than at my place, but I have noticed that the Dail House has several nice fireplaces. As it happens, Ollie is a whiz at collecting sticks. Maybe we could even toss a few of the rattiest dog toys on the pyre, although I would have to do it when the boys were not looking. In any case, many supermarkets sell those long-burning fireplace logs which I expect throw off a lot of heat.
I am hoping to get a good price on my new home, as ECU officials seem to think it is past its prime. I am somewhat past my prime, so I think it would be a good fit. And Ollie and Einstein are happy to go wherever I do, provided I am holding a bag of treats. Really it’s an ideal solution.
For now, I will bide my time and check prices on stair lifts. But as soon as that white elephant goes on the market, I am going to charge in like Einstein after a chicken meatball.
Postmaster, send my mail to the Dail.
Contact Janet Storm at firstname.lastname@example.org or 252-329-9587.