Storm boys ready to write for magazine
By Janet Storm
Sunday, February 3, 2019
I recently read about a Rocky Mount native who has started her own cat magazine.
This in itself hardly seems remarkable, as many magazines already exist celebrating all things feline. What sets this particular publication apart is its content, which its owner insists — tongue firmly in cheek — is written “by cats for cats.”
The idea of cats writing for a magazine is certainly intriguing. I have a mental image of a cat staff entertaining themselves by pushing pens off the desk and having their assistants pick them up again and again.
But the notion also made me think — if cats can do it, why not dogs? And if we looking to dogs for literary greatness, why not my own two little dogs, Ollie and Einstein?
Now I must confess, neither of the boys has ever shown much of an interest in writing. When I am at my computer at home, Einstein has indicated that he would rather be sitting in my lap than tapping on the keyboard.
Still, with a bit of encouragement, I feel sure they could churn out copy as good as any tabby.
Here’s how I imagine their premier articles might read:
By Ollie Storm
Ollie loves lunch. Lunch is Ollie’s favorite. It is almost time for lunch. Ollie can always tell.
Mommy says Ollie has a little alarm clock in his head. It rings at lunch. Then Ollie gets down from the big bed — which belongs to Ollie, despite the fact that he lets Mommy and his bratty brother sleep on it — and goes to stand by his dish.
Because it is time for lunch.
Ollie gets irritated when Mommy does not get up right away to make the lunch. She is still sitting in her chair, and it is a minute past lunch. Ollie is hungry. Ollie may starve to death. His ribs are probably showing. Mommy says she can not even feel Ollie’s ribs because they are well padded. She is not funny.
It is two minutes past lunch.
Oh, the starvings are strong! Perhaps a small howl will make Mommy move faster.
Ahroooooo! Hear that Mommy? Oh good, she is coming.
Faster! Ahrooo! Time for lunch!
Oh, here is the lunch. So good. Ollie is saved.
Ollie also loves supper.
The squirrel menace
By Einstein Storm
Once more I gaze from my window, only to spy that most detestable of creatures — a squirrel — pacing our private yard.
No doubt he is waiting for his moment — perhaps to murder us all in our sleep, perhaps to steal our bacon treats, or perhaps just to invade our home and perch on our favorite pillows.
Whatever his evil plan, he will not succeed.
He has not reckoned on the power of the mighty Einstein. The power of barking.
Yes, you vile little rodent, I will bark. I will bark in the living room. I will bark from the window sill. I will bark during the day and during the night.
I may stop for a moment when Mommy says, “Cut is out, little man!” But I will start again if you so much as twitch your tail.
If Mommy lets me out into the yard, I will send you plying over the fence with my mighty yips.
Enemy mine, I will never give you a moment’s peace until you are hidden in the pine tree, where you belong.
And even then, if I hear you scurry a ross the branches,
I. Will. Bark.
Contact Janet Storm at firstname.lastname@example.org or 252-329-9587.