Loading...
God bless all those who paid the ultimate price for freedom. We remember you. We honor you. We thank you....

Putting kids first represents a backward parental view

JohnRosemondGDR_177.jpg

John Rosemond

Loading…

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Many of today’s parents suffer (and suffer they do, albeit a good number seem to feel their suffering is a sign of conscientious parenting) from what I call “upside-down, inside-out and backward parent-view disorder.”

First, an explanation of the term “parent-view.” Just as one’s worldview consists of beliefs concerning the meaning and purpose of human existence as well as a set of core moral understandings, so one’s parent-view consists of beliefs concerning children — one’s own and others — along with beliefs concerning one’s role and responsibilities as a parent.

A proper parent-view includes a correct understanding of children as well as a correct definition of the noun “parent.” A proper parent-view leads to correct parent behavior — relaxed, loving and authoritative. That approach, in turn, results in proper child behavior. (And yes, I am asserting that the unproven and unscientific notion that persistent improper behavior reflects some internal malfunction benefits mental health professionals and the pharmaceutical industry only.)

Upside-down, inside-out and backward parent-view disorder manifests in various ways, all of which reflect general confusion when it comes to the question “Who’s in charge here?”

Example: A father who recently told me that in response to a class assignment to draw one’s daddy doing his favorite thing, his first-grade daughter drew him taking a nap on the sofa. He assigned great meaning to this, taking it to mean that he is shirking his fatherly duties. He told me that he does not want to be seen by his daughter as a slacker dad and resolved to take no more naps when she is around.

Mind you, this father’s job is mentally, emotionally and often physically demanding. There are times, in fact, when it is dangerous to the point of being life-threatening. Nonetheless, he was surprised when I told him that (a) his daughter’s drawing contained no deep psychological meaning and (b) he had every right to take a nap whenever he felt the need, whether his daughter was around or not. Furthermore, I told him he had every right to tell his daughter that she was not to disturb him while he was napping. That provoked a wide-eyed “Really?”

Yes, really. This father was upside-down, inside-out, and turned around backward (note the past tense). He obviously thought it was his responsibility to rise to his daughter’s expectations of him. Au contraire, it is her responsibility to rise to his expectations (assuming they are reasonable, which they are and which should include not disturbing him when he is napping), and the earlier she learns this, the better for all concerned, including herself.

This dad’s job requires that he be away from home a good amount of time. Like many folks in that situation, he believed (again, past tense) that when he comes home his first obligation is to his kids. Not so. When he comes home, his foremost obligation is to his wife. He should re-enter his family as a husband first, a father second. Actually, by putting his marriage first, he is doing for his children the single best thing he can possibly do for them.

Children need parents who are right-side up, right-side out, and facing forward. In other words, they need parents who possess a proper parent-view and can, therefore, give a proper answer to “Who’s in charge here?”

Contact family psychologist John Rosemond at his websites, johnrosemond.com or parentguru.com.

Loading…

Humans of Greenville

@HumansofGville

Local photographer Joe Pellegrino explores Greenville to create a photographic census of its people.

Look

May 23, 2018

Sometimes presentation is overrated. Eton Mess is a British dessert that’s an unapologetic mishmash of fruit, cream and crumbled meringues folded together and plunked in a glass or bowl. It’s the kind of mix that appeals to kids and adults alike. While you might call it messy,…

LyndaBalslev

May 20, 2018

Weeks after college graduations and weeks before high school ceremonies, St. Paul’s Episcopal Church is having what the Rev. Bob Hudak calls a “commencement” today.

It is not a commencement in which diplomas will be conferred but a commencement in the sense of the beginning of…

121717OliverPerez-3.jpg

May 20, 2018

I read recently about a mama raccoon and her four babies falling through the ceiling and onto the living room couch of a Michigan home.

The closest I ever came to that was a lone dead squirrel that wormed its way around the uncompleted mounting of a new ceiling light fixture, was apparently…

Bob Garner

May 20, 2018

GET A GRIP, GIRLS

Dear Short Answers: There is a woman in town who is a stay-at-home mom with three children. Every year (actually, three times a year), she throws the most lavish birthday parties for her kids. It makes the rest of us moms look like slackers. Every year, our own kids ask why…

Short Answers

May 19, 2018

SERVICES

■ Burning Bush United Holy Church, 610 N.C. 43 North, Vanceboro, will have quarterly meeting at 11 a.m. Sunday.

■ Carson Memorial Pentecostal Holiness Church, 1710 Pactolus Highway, will have its annual homecoming service at 11 a.m. Sunday. The group Unshackled will be musical guests.…

May 18, 2018

Capsules of movies playing locally. New releases are indicated with an asterisk.

AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR — The Avengers and their allies must be willing to sacrifice all in an attempt to defeat the powerful Thanos before his blitz of devastation and ruin puts an end to the universe. (2…

051818showdogs

May 18, 2018

Diners at Oklahoma’s Tulsa Club must have thought there was something funny going on that spring evening when more than two dozen men met on the roof and spent several hours singing old songs.

Customer complaints about the noise caused the next meeting to be moved to the Hotel Tulsa, but the…

051818Gobarbershop-1.jpg

May 18, 2018

GMA

Art from Pitt County Schools high school students will be on exhibit from today through June 10 in the Commons Gallery. An opening reception will be held from 5:30-7 p.m. today.

The Greenville Museum of Art is at 802 Evans St. Call 758-1946 or visit gmoa.org.

Gray Gallery

The exhibit “110…

051118rockthebus-5.jpg

May 16, 2018

Wingstop is a new restaurant at 1885 E. Fire Tower Road next to Baskin Robbins Ice Cream. Enjoy ample seating at artfully decorated tables with an aviation theme, listen to upbeat music and order an array of items from wings to sides from the easy-to-navigate menu.

Wingstop offers three styles of…

051618hotdish

May 16, 2018

Q Is there anything new about healthy eating for people with diabetes? — G.H., Greenville

A Every January since 1989, the American Diabetes Association (ADA) has published an update to the Standards of Care for people with diabetes based on the results of new studies. Sometimes the changes in…

KathyKolasa
335 stories in Look. Viewing 1 through 10.
«First Page   «Previous Page        
Page 1 of 34
        Next Page»   Last Page»