Loading...
BYH, there are a lot of people having anxiety attacks as more and more are awakening to the possibility that we have a...

No apologies for 'old-fashioned' approach to parenting

JohnRosemondGDR_177.jpg

John Rosemond

Loading…

John Rosemond

Sunday, March 11, 2018

An individual who occupies a fairly high-level position in the mainstream media recently told one of my associates that I’m “old-fashioned.” She meant it as a slight, but I hardly took it that way. I do, in fact, espouse a child-rearing philosophy and approach that prevailed when I was a child. To my media critic, I’m a throwback.

When I came out of graduate school in 1972, I was thoroughly indoctrinated in psychological parenting theory and convinced that pre-1960s parenting had compromised child mental health, that it had to go, that its demise would bring about a childhood utopia upon which we — I’d been a radical student activist, progressive to the core — could build a brave new world.

Two wake-up calls came in 1979. I realized, courtesy of my supervisor at the Charlotte Mental Health Center, that clinical psychology, for all of its scientific pretenses, was an ideology that cared little to nothing for research that contradicted its icons and idols. The second came when my son’s very rational third-grade teacher told me that he was the worst-behaved child she had seen in 20 years of teaching.

That caused my wife and me to reverse course and begin raising our children the way we ourselves had been raised: chores, a minimum of after-school activities, the unwavering assignment of personal responsibility and discipline that was less talk and more action. The results were nothing short of amazing. Within three months, our son had gone from being a classroom sociopath to being, in that same teacher’s words, “a model student.”

I’ve been espousing a retro-parenting message ever since, becoming, along the way, evermore convinced that my profession has caused more problems for children, parents, families, schools and culture than psychologists know how to solve. I miss no opportunity to say exactly that, which has not endeared me to my colleagues (albeit there are those who somewhat secretly agree with me).

I’m old-fashioned (as opposed to progressive) because I care about research, and the research is clear that emotional resilience, the essence of good mental health, the ability to deal functionally with disappointment and failure, resides best in children raised by parents who adhere, whether wittingly or not, to the pre-1960s paradigm: a whole lot of love and a whole lot of unwavering, unequivocal authority.

I’m old-fashioned because the new paradigm, built on the shifting sands of unproven and even disproven psychological theory, has informed a 10-fold worsening of child and teen mental health since the 1960s. I’m old-fashioned because the old way taught children, within their families, what good citizenship was all about: to wit, respect for and service to others. The new way, by contrast, emphasized esteem for the Almighty Self.

The goal of infusing children with high self-esteem has proven to be a complete bust. No good — zero, zilch, nada — has come of it. In fact, it just might factor highly into the psychology of the typical school shooter. We know, for example, that women in relationships with high-self-esteem males are in significant danger of emotional and physical abuse. I’m old-fashioned because I absolutely know that high self-esteem is a problem, not a solution to a problem.

I’m old-fashioned because the nouveau approach to discipline — based on what I call “consequence-delivery-systems” — has completely failed. I’m old-fashioned because I absolutely know that behavior modification does not work on human beings, that the proper discipline of a child is accomplished with a certain attitude, not certain methods.

My media critic also claims that I appeal primarily to grandparents. She should come to one of my speaking engagements, where the word that best describes the age range represented in my audiences is one she surely appreciates: diversity.

Contact family psychologist John Rosemond at his websites, www.johnrosemond.com or www.parentguru.com.

Loading…

Humans of Greenville

@HumansofGville

Local photographer Joe Pellegrino explores Greenville to create a photographic census of its people.

Look

July 22, 2018

Q Our son committed a felony 2½ years ago. It was a horrific shock and he has been receiving the best possible treatment. It was not a crime against people.

Since that time, our other children (with one exception) will not allow us to have their children at our home unless they are…

Carolyn Hax

July 22, 2018

HEY, THAT’S NO WAY TO SAY “HELLO”

Dear Short Answers: I recently sent out invitations for a dinner party that I was planning, and I just didn’t feel like getting into the hassle of everybody’s ridiculous dietary restrictions these days. So I included a note…

Short Answers

July 22, 2018

I call it “psychological thinking,” referring to the tendency among parents of the last 50 years or so to attribute bad behavior on the part of a child to so-called “issues” that are thought to be causing emotional tensions of one sort or another. That is, in fact, precisely…

JohnRosemondGDR_177.jpg

July 21, 2018

Not all trees are created equal. While most trees that cover our landscapes provide us with aesthetic and ecological benefits, there are a few that probably do not belong here. Some trees can be invasive, some are insect and disease prone, and others may not grow well in our eastern North Carolina…

Eric Derstine

July 21, 2018

SERVICES

■ Anderson Chapel Missionary Baptist Church, 4352 Anderson Chapel Road, will host men’s day at 11 a.m. Aug. 5. Edgecombe County Sheriff Cleveland “Clee” Atkinson, Jr. will be guest speaker. Music will be by The Shades of Harmony.

■ Burney’s Chapel Free Will Baptist…

July 20, 2018

What is winning?

Most would say coming out victorious — being the best.

But Celestine Davis, director of the Down East Flick Fest, says there is much more to winning than being the best — and that’s the point of the film festival that kicks off today at Whirligig Stage…

072118GOdeff-1.jpg.jpg

July 20, 2018

5TH STREET DISTILLERY AND ANNEX: 120 and 122 E. Fifth St. 757-3034.

A.J. MCMURPHY’S: 1914 Turnbury Drive. 355-7956. Today: Teg. Saturday: The Carolina Beach Club. Monday: Cards Against Humanity. Wednesday: Sports trivia. July 29: Will Stovall. 

BLACKBEARD COFFEE ROASTERS: 203 E 5th…

July 20, 2018

TODAY

Film festival

The Down East Flick Fest will be held from 11:30 a.m.-8:30 p.m. today-Saturday at Whirligig Stage, 628 S. Pitt St. The event will showcase works by filmmakers from across the state, along with some international entries. Free, but registration is recommended. Seating is limited.…

072018goguide

July 20, 2018

Capsules of movies playing locally. New releases are indicated with an asterisk.

ANT-MAN AND THE WASP — As Scott Lang balances being both a superhero and a father, Hope van Dyne and Dr. Hank Pym present an urgent new mission that finds the Ant-Man fighting alongside The Wasp to uncover…

072018capsules

July 20, 2018

GMA

“Revisiting Cornerstones: The Louis Orr Etchings of North Carolina,” will be on exhibit through Oct. 7 in the West Wing Gallery.

NC Civil will present “To the Core,” a journey through the history, identity and expression of the West Greenville Community, through Sept. 2.…

072018artsdatebook
287 stories in Look. Viewing 1 through 10.
«First Page   «Previous Page        
Page 1 of 29
        Next Page»   Last Page»