Short Answers, May 20
Paula Forman and Jeff Johnson
Sunday, May 20, 2018
GET A GRIP, GIRLS
Dear Short Answers: There is a woman in town who is a stay-at-home mom with three children. Every year (actually, three times a year), she throws the most lavish birthday parties for her kids. It makes the rest of us moms look like slackers. Every year, our own kids ask why they can’t have a party like her kids do. How do we convince her that her parties are over-the-top and making us all look bad? — The Rest of Us
Dear The Rest: You don’t convince her — you convince yourself that whatever you are doing is fine. This is only the first time that your kids will want what some other kid has. There are exactly a million iterations of this situation. The answer is all about you — not the other kid. Or the other mother.
Dear Short Answers: I recently started dating a woman, and we seem to really hit it off. But I just found out that she is living with (and I really mean living with) another woman. She has invited me back to her house and hinted that we might get into a three-some with her “roommate.” I am kind of curious and more than a little bit turned on but not sure if this kind of thing ever really works out. Do you think people can truly be bisexual? I don’t want to be the one who gets hurt in this situation. — John Doe
Dear Doe: It depends on what you mean by “works out.” If you are looking for a serious relationship with this woman, we think she has just told you that is not a possibility. If you are looking for a potentially interesting experience, it’s a definite “maybe.” But be clear — it is an erotic adventure and not an affair of the heart. Hint: Sense of humor always helpful in these situations.
Dear Short Answers: There is a casual friend that I run into often, and every time she says “oh we must have dinner and get to know each other better.” Several times, I called her back and she was either busy or didn’t return my call. So now when I see her and she says this, it makes me mad because I know she’s being completely insincere. Would it be appropriate for me to point this out to her? It would certainly make me feel better. — Annoyed
Dear A: Why do you assume that it is your responsibility to make her dream come true? If she wants to get to know you, and perhaps she does, let her offer an invitation. You could start the ball rolling with an accusation of insincerity — but it might be better to say, “call me with some options.”
TIME WILL TELL
Dear Short Answers: How do I know when a relationship is really over? I keep hoping that my boyfriend will realize what he lost and come back to me. I’m just not sure how long I should keep the door open before I hook up with somebody else. — Still Love Him
Dear Still: This certainly depends on how long you were together. We think you should wait longer than two weeks, but after that. let your heart and mind be open to new possibilities.
Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t. Send a question about whatever is bothering you to firstname.lastname@example.org or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every Sunday in The Daily Reflector.