Short Answers, June 3
Paula Forman and Jeff Johnson
Sunday, June 3, 2018
Dear Short Answers: I recently got engaged and am planning my wedding for January 2019. The guest list hasn’t been determined, and we don’t really even know how many people we will invite. The other day, a co-worker asked me if I was going to invite her (which seemed rude and premature) and that if I wasn’t, would it be OK if she came and she would pay whatever the per person cost would be for her and her boyfriend.
I was a bit dumbfounded and kind of stammered “yes” because I didn’t know what to say. Now I regret saying that and I’m not sure what to do. Do I have to officially “disinvite” her or should I just ignore her when the invitations go out. And one more question — isn’t this a bit weird? Have you ever heard of such a thing? — What’s Happening?
Dear What: We don’t know how these things got so “transactional” but it needs to stop. It’s weird and you should invite who you want to invite.
AMBIGUITY BREEDS CONTEMPT
Dear Short Answers: I am working with a non-profit group in my town that is driving me batty. I believe in the work that the group does, but I can’t stand the politics, the meetings, the bickering and indecisiveness. Is this common in non-profit organizations or is this one especially dysfunctional? — Getting Crazy
Dear Crazy: The thing about for-profit companies is that their goals are relatively unambiguous. The thing about not-for-profits, in our experience, is that there is ambiguity under every rock. Dysfunctional? Organizations are like families. To paraphrase Tolstoy, “Functional organizations are functional in the same ways — dysfunctional ones are all quite unique.”
BACK IN THE SADDLE
Dear Short Answers: What’s the right amount of time to start dating again after a very nasty break-up? My friends tell me to slow down — but I think I’m ready!! (It’s only been a couple of months). What do you think? — Ready to Roll
Dear Ready: The right time is whenever you think it’s right — go girl!
JUST DO IT
Dear Short Answers: My wife and I are both in our 40s and have had a great marriage for the past 12 years. I recently decided that I wanted to get a tattoo. I can’t explain why, I just do. The problem is that my wife hates tattoos and refuses to allow me to get one. I’m torn between doing what I want (I’m a grown man for goodness sake) and respecting my wife’s wishes. Where does one draw the line in a relationship? Is she being overly controlling? Or I am being inconsiderate and selfish? — Wannabe Me
Dear Wanna: Sometimes it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
AGNOSTIC BY A HAIR
Dear Short Answers: What is the right thing to do if you find a hair in your food at a restaurant? Even if the food is cooked so probably not harmful? I say just ignore it but my girlfriend freaks out and demands a refund. What do you think? — SJW
Dear SJW: We agree it is kind of gross. Just send the food back to the kitchen. No need for a meltdown.
Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t. Send a question about whatever is bothering you to firstname.lastname@example.org or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every Sunday in The Daily Reflector.