Loading...
BYH Zoning Commission. Take your chairs and sit in the field by Bostic Sugg in morning or afternoon and tell the...

Toddler daughter suffers injury while visiting family

Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax

Loading…

Carolyn Hax

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Q Three years ago, our then-2-year-old daughter was in an accident while visiting my family for the first time without us, which resulted in her losing two fingers. Her father and I went through a very rough patch as a couple, because he was against her going in the first place — but we got through it.

Fast forward to now. My mom asked if our daughter could visit, and due to a scheduling conflict neither of us would be able to go with her.

My mom has invited our daughter to visit several times since the accident, but I’ve always gently shut her down out of respect for my partner, because he feels the same as he did three years ago. I feel terrible, but she hasn’t really gotten the hint that it’s a contentious issue, and she just keeps asking.

I am now reasonably comfortable with our daughter visiting without us being there, but he is not, and it is causing conflict. What should I do? My stress level is really high because I want to please both of them but I don’t think I can. — Anxious and Conflicted

A Stop hinting, please, oh please.

“Mom, I am sorry to disappoint you. (Daughter) won’t be visiting anyone unaccompanied by us for the indefinite future. The accident left a lasting impression on (Partner) and I respect that enough not to force the issue.”

That’s it. There’s an argument to be made for not naming your partner as the one standing in the way, because you don’t want to make it easy for people to single him out. However, you are apparently close enough to your mother — and your partner’s reservations are reasonable enough — that, on balance, it’s worth just putting things to rest with the truth.

In return for your taking advantage of this transparency, though, you need to make sure you brook no challenges from your mother or anyone else on this decision, whether they’re directed at you or your partner.

There may be reasonable arguments against this protective stance — maybe not while your daughter is still so young, but soon enough as she becomes more independent. Eventually you both will have to rebuild your trust- and risk-assessment muscles.

But these issues are for you and your partner to discuss, period, as equals in decision-making about your daughter’s needs; they are not topics for a family roundtable.

This also isn’t a matter of your “pleasing” anybody. That’s not your job. Your primary job, as long as your child is a minor, is to be a responsible parent. Your secondary responsibility is to be a respectful partner. These top your list because they’re roles you knowingly assumed, and so you must fulfill them in as healthy a way as possible. Whether your choices ultimately please anyone is simply a collateral benefit.

It’s never any fun to upset people with your choices, of course. But the sooner you internalize the importance of doing the right thing versus the popular thing, the sooner that “really high” stress will abate.

Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

Loading…

Humans of Greenville

@HumansofGville

Local photographer Joe Pellegrino explores Greenville to create a photographic census of its people.

Look

February 17, 2019

The pulse of the universe beats in the air of Pluto.

Pluto, the famous dwarf planet in our Solar System, is cold, extremely cold, year round. It is especially cold during its 124-year long winter, when it is so frigid that its wan atmosphere freezes to the icy surface. Then, in summer, the ice…

Pluto

February 17, 2019

In recognition of Black History Month, The Daily Reflector is excerpting the following NCPedia article by Steven A. Hill, a teacher at J.H. Rose High School who has been working to chronicle a history of Pitt County’s Schools. Visit www.ncpedia.org/eppes-charles-montgomery for the…

eppes.jpg

February 17, 2019

One Father's Day, when I was 6 years old, I asked my dad why there was no such thing as "Kids' Day," and he said, "Because every day is kids' day." And that's my feeling about Presidents Day. Every day is Presidents Day. Besides, I'm not quite sure if not getting my mail is going to make me think…

JimMullen

February 17, 2019

One of the surest signs of middle age is a Facebook feed full of friends detailing their medical ailments.

Just this week, I counted not one, not two, but three pals who were undergoing knee replacement surgery. One proudly posted a post-op X-ray showing what looked like a spring in her leg.…

bionicman

February 16, 2019

Although we’ve had some warm weather, it's still winter. But as a tease, paper-whites are opening up in the yard, and red maples are already showing their bright flowers. Fragrant Daphnes and a few withering winter-sweets are scattered around the neighborhood, and this afternoon we had a…

021619mystery.JPG

February 15, 2019

There have been plenty of movies about tough women. In fact, picking the Top 10 is harder than you might think. But here goes, the ones I picked and the ones I didn’t.

10) Trinity, “The Matrix” — Carrie-Ann Moss’ Trinity was hacker chic before the hacker chic of…

Sigourney Weaver

February 13, 2019

If you’re hungry and seeking more authentic flavor for your next meal, why not and take a trip to India without leaving Greenville. Go beyond steak & potatoes, dive into a new culture, expand your culinary palate and you’ll be sure to add Cinnamon Indian Cuisine to your top…

20190206_123537.jpg

February 13, 2019

Q: My girlfriend is a health nut, but I really want to give her some chocolate for Valentines. Is it ok? MK, Greenville

A: Kathryn Clary, a Brody medical student, suggests that dark chocolate really can prevent a broken heart with its benefits to the cardiovascular system. Here is what she wants…

Kolasa, Kathy

February 10, 2019

You're from out of town going 65 mph down the highway heading west, and you want to catch another highway going north. What do you think the exit sign should say in 3-foot-tall letters?

A) Gophertown

B) Exit 42

C) Gov. Tiddwilly Memorial Highway

D) Pinewood Mall

Quick, you've got nanoseconds to…

JimMullen

February 10, 2019

I was thinking recently about all the fallout from the removal of the Confederate soldier statue, “Silent Sam,” at UNC-Chapel Hill.

That, in turn, led me to remember the deafening silence of UNC’s first African American cheerleader, Jimmy Womack, during the football season of 1966…

Bob Garner
124 stories in Look. Viewing 1 through 10.
«First Page   «Previous Page        
Page 1 of 13
        Next Page»   Last Page»