Loading...
BYH, overheard Barack saying to Don the Con: 'A copy of my birth certificate is stapled to your indictment'....

He upgrades to first class, lets his girlfriend sit in coach

Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax

Loading…

Carolyn Hax

Friday, August 24, 2018

Q I am in a fairly new relationship (three months) with an attorney who divorced after 25 years of marriage. He loves to travel and told me that since he has a lot of airline miles, he books coach and always gets an upgrade to first class.

So when he and his wife, and then one girlfriend before he met me, traveled together, she sat in coach and he took the upgrade and sat in first class. At first I thought he was kidding.

I really don’t like the thought of that type of arrangement, as I find the message rather insulting. I think he should either sit in coach with me or pay extra for me to sit with him in first class. He has money and I don’t. And I also don’t know what to say to make him see that this is demeaning. Any suggestions? — Anonymous

A “Thank you for giving me, upfront, this unobstructed view of your character.

“Now please lose my number.”

Either that, or you forfeit your right to be surprised when his self-centeredness affects you in more significant ways and after you’re much more emotionally invested. His wife sat alone in coach: His epitaph writes itself.

Q I need advice on how to ask/tell a friend to not wear cologne when we go out to eat. It really changes how the food tastes for me and it’s all I smell.

I know I can decide not to eat a meal out with her, but I would rather have her company than not.

Is there any nice or straightforward way to ask her that would be lighthearted enough that she wouldn’t feel bad? Or do I just suck it up? — Make It Stop

A First, it’s not ask/tell. It’s ask.

Second, lightheartedness can be a relationship-saver, but studied lightness is gas on an awkwardness fire. The way to defeat awkwardness is to be awkward out loud. “This is awkward, but: I’m really sensitive to fragrances. Would you be willing not to wear them when we go out to dinner?

“I’m happy to explain ... or never mention it again, whichever gets us out of this moment the fastest.”

Third, you can’t know what she’d want. But if you were the one polluting someone’s dinner, you’d want to know, right? Hold on to that.

Fourth, tell us how it goes. I believe these exchanges are rarely as bad as we fear, but I also believe data trump beliefs.

Q What’s your best recommendation about living with someone who stays in denial when discussing something? The problem gets stated and the answer given is usually a distraction, so the topic goes off the rails. When mentioned again, there’s a joke. Mentioned again and the answer is, “I’ll have to think about that.” And there’s never any initiative to bring the topic back up. — Denial

A Where you can, solve problems unilaterally.

Where you can’t act alone, stand there and insist on an answer until you get one: “I gave you time to think about it. Now I need a straight answer.”

When you still don’t get adult responses: Recognize you are living with someone too emotionally stunted to function in a relationship. That means you change either your expectations or your living arrangements.

Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

Loading…

Humans of Greenville

@HumansofGville

Local photographer Joe Pellegrino explores Greenville to create a photographic census of its people.

Look

January 13, 2019

While I have been traveling up and down North Carolina’s roads in search of local eateries, UNC Law School professor Gene Nichol has been traveling the same roads looking for something else.

I was gathering material for my book, “North Carolina’s Roadside Eateries,” and…

DGMartin

January 13, 2019

The first mistake was opening the refrigerator door. I opened it silently, but it emits a silent sound unknown to science that only cats can hear. From under the bedcovers at the other end of the house. And they do not need to walk or run to the refrigerator to inspect what I'm doing. One second,…

JimMullen

January 11, 2019

As I write this review, it’s still up in the air whether Kevin Hart will host this year’s Academy Awards. He was picked because he’s funny, he’s a performer of color, and his star was on the ascendance.

But someone dug up old comments by Hart that were homophobic. The…

Upside

January 11, 2019

ARBA — Sybil Thomas is not your average “little old lady.”

Rather than bemoaning the aging process, she has walked right up to it, looked it dead in the eye and given it an impish wink.

Thomas celebrated her 100th birthday Dec. 30, surrounded by friends and family at Hull Road…

0109-sybil2.jpg

January 09, 2019

 

Q: I don’t think my mom ever used anything other than salt, pepper, and cinnamon to flavor food. She said it was silly and expensive to a container and then use only ¼ teaspoon. I am intrigued by the possibility that some herbs might be helpful in controlling inflammation. Can…

Kolasa, Kathy

January 06, 2019

It was in 1983 that parents told leaders of the Diocese of Lafayette, Louisiana, west of New Orleans, that Father Gilbert Gauthe had molested their sons.

Dominos started falling. The bishop offered secret settlements to nine families — but one refused to remain silent.

The rest is a long,…

Terry Mattingly

January 06, 2019

What really happened to Virginia Dare, the first child of English parents born in the New World? The same Virginia Dare whom I suggested recently belonged on “The World Almanac’s” list of famous North Carolinians.

A few weeks ago I wrote about Sir Walter Raleigh’s…

DGMartin.jpg

January 06, 2019

In a year filled with heightened political vitriol, two deaths brought the nation together to remember men who represented a seemingly bygone era of U.S. politics.

George H.W. Bush was a president, vice president, congressman, CIA director and Navy pilot during World War II, where he flew 58…

YE Deaths

January 05, 2019

For to make chireseye, tak chiryes at þe feast of Seynt Iohn þe Baptist, & do awey þe stonys …

— Hieatt, Constance B. and Sharon Butler. Curye on Inglish: English Culinary Manuscripts of the Fourteenth-Century (Including the Forme of Cury). New York: for The Early…

pruncaro.jpg

January 05, 2019

SERVICES

■ New Beginnings Deliverance Center, 217 Queen Drive, will host “The Twelve Tribes of Israel” at 4 p.m. today. A Communion service will be held at 11 a.m. Sunday. Breakfast will be served following the service.

■ St. Matthew True Born Faith of Christ Church, 601 Norris St.,…

010519religionnewspugh
133 stories in Look. Viewing 1 through 10.
«First Page   «Previous Page        
Page 1 of 14
        Next Page»   Last Page»