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Sending a thanks for the Pitt Emergency Veterinarian Clinic here in Greenville. We are so fortunate to have such...

He upgrades to first class, lets his girlfriend sit in coach

Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax

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Carolyn Hax

Friday, August 24, 2018

Q I am in a fairly new relationship (three months) with an attorney who divorced after 25 years of marriage. He loves to travel and told me that since he has a lot of airline miles, he books coach and always gets an upgrade to first class.

So when he and his wife, and then one girlfriend before he met me, traveled together, she sat in coach and he took the upgrade and sat in first class. At first I thought he was kidding.

I really don’t like the thought of that type of arrangement, as I find the message rather insulting. I think he should either sit in coach with me or pay extra for me to sit with him in first class. He has money and I don’t. And I also don’t know what to say to make him see that this is demeaning. Any suggestions? — Anonymous

A “Thank you for giving me, upfront, this unobstructed view of your character.

“Now please lose my number.”

Either that, or you forfeit your right to be surprised when his self-centeredness affects you in more significant ways and after you’re much more emotionally invested. His wife sat alone in coach: His epitaph writes itself.

Q I need advice on how to ask/tell a friend to not wear cologne when we go out to eat. It really changes how the food tastes for me and it’s all I smell.

I know I can decide not to eat a meal out with her, but I would rather have her company than not.

Is there any nice or straightforward way to ask her that would be lighthearted enough that she wouldn’t feel bad? Or do I just suck it up? — Make It Stop

A First, it’s not ask/tell. It’s ask.

Second, lightheartedness can be a relationship-saver, but studied lightness is gas on an awkwardness fire. The way to defeat awkwardness is to be awkward out loud. “This is awkward, but: I’m really sensitive to fragrances. Would you be willing not to wear them when we go out to dinner?

“I’m happy to explain ... or never mention it again, whichever gets us out of this moment the fastest.”

Third, you can’t know what she’d want. But if you were the one polluting someone’s dinner, you’d want to know, right? Hold on to that.

Fourth, tell us how it goes. I believe these exchanges are rarely as bad as we fear, but I also believe data trump beliefs.

Q What’s your best recommendation about living with someone who stays in denial when discussing something? The problem gets stated and the answer given is usually a distraction, so the topic goes off the rails. When mentioned again, there’s a joke. Mentioned again and the answer is, “I’ll have to think about that.” And there’s never any initiative to bring the topic back up. — Denial

A Where you can, solve problems unilaterally.

Where you can’t act alone, stand there and insist on an answer until you get one: “I gave you time to think about it. Now I need a straight answer.”

When you still don’t get adult responses: Recognize you are living with someone too emotionally stunted to function in a relationship. That means you change either your expectations or your living arrangements.

Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

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Humans of Greenville

@HumansofGville

Local photographer Joe Pellegrino explores Greenville to create a photographic census of its people.

Look

November 11, 2018

Losing a child before his or her first birthday is an unthinkable tragedy for any parent — and unfortunately it occurs too often in North Carolina, where we far outpace the nation in infant mortality.

With over seven deaths per 1,000 live births vs. the national average of fewer than six per…

Anita Bachmann

November 11, 2018

WINTERVILLE — Approximately 300 people gathered in the South Central High School cafeteria recently to celebrate their time as students at Winterville High School. The school, which was built in 1935, has served as A.G. Cox Middle School since 1971.

“The first Saturday in November has…

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November 10, 2018

The year is old, the birds are flown.

And yet the world, in its distress,

Displays a certain loveliness —

 — John Updike, from “A Child’s Calendar”

Autumn has once again snuck up upon us, as it always does.

Autumn is known mostly as a time of cooling temperatures,…

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November 07, 2018

Q Would you please help spread the word about our upcoming event that will celebrate the successes of people in Pitt County who are eating healthy, being physically active and managing their own diabetes.  JS, Pitt County.

A Jackie Sugg MS, RDN, LDN is a long time friend and colleague from the…

Kolasa, Kathy

November 07, 2018

Bateeni Mediterranean Grill & Cafe at 1868 W. Arlington Blvd. in Greenville is a healthy escape for those seeking fresh and delicious food that will keep your taste buds and body fulfilled. They offer an array of authentic Mediterranean cuisine using their centuries old traditions of combining…

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November 05, 2018

Drivers needed

The Pitt County Council on Aging is in need of volunteers to help deliver Meals on Wheels in Ayden and Bethel Monday through Friday. Drivers will provide lunch for homebound older adults. Route delivery takes about an hour. Training is provided. Call 752-1717.

Bell ringers needed

The…

November 04, 2018

North Carolina’s long literary tradition lives on and was celebrated with presentation of the North Carolina Book Awards at the Greenville Convention Center last week. ECU’s Charles Ewen was among those honored.

The awards, held on Oct. 26, are presented annually by the North Carolina…

Charlie Ewen.jpg

November 04, 2018

Why would I ask you to read from a column I wrote almost 30 years ago?

When I read that column, tearfully, at a recent family reunion, I knew I wanted to share it with you, just in case you missed it back in 1987.

That year was one of triumph for my mother.

In 1933 she finished college and left her…

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November 04, 2018

SNOW HILL — It takes a dedicated pit master to grill a 128-pound hog in the middle of a nor’easter. That’s exactly what 12 faithful and talented competitors did last week at the third annual BBQ for Paw fundraiser in Snow Hill.

Thanks to the perseverance and hard work of the cooks,…

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November 03, 2018

November's Native American Heritage Month is a look back at the ancestry, traditions and contributions of American Indians. But a new exhibit at the Greenville Museum of Art provides a current perspective of one North Carolina tribe.

“Postmodern Native: Contemporary Lumbee Art,” which…

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