Loading...
BYH, overheard Barack saying to Don the Con: 'A copy of my birth certificate is stapled to your indictment'....

Boyfriend insists upon sex before marriage

Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax

Loading…

Carolyn Hax

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Q I have a dilemma. My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 months. We love each other and want to get married. The problem is, he wants to have sex before we get married. I was raised to wait until marriage to have sex. I love him with all my heart, but I don’t want to go against my parents and sleep with him. He says it’s either sex or nothing at all. — Helpless

A You do have a dilemma, and sex isn’t it. You’re asking me whether to follow your boyfriend’s new orders or to keep following your parents’ old ones. Wow. The only orders you should ever heed on personal matters are the ones that come straight from your own mind.

If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to know: What do you want? What do you value? What do you think is right?

And if you don’t know the answers, then don’t get married yet, to anyone — not even to someone who conveniently agrees with your parents. Then all you get is a new parent, and still no mind of your own.

Figure this stuff out before you make any irreversible decisions. Take the next decade or two, if you need it. I’m serious. The test isn’t timed and the only wrong answers are the ones you don’t bother to find.

Then, once you have those answers, ask yourself how you feel about his ultimatum.

Don’t get me wrong. He is absolutely entitled to decide he won’t marry someone he has never slept with.

And you, likewise, are absolutely entitled to decide your values are more important to you than he is.

No one is too good to lose, except you.

 

Q About four months ago, my wife started becoming friends with a man she works with. He’s a health nut and she wanted to lose some weight. This led them to become fast friends. My wife has always been very open about their friendship, telling me whenever they do something, and always makes sure I don’t mind — which for the most part I don’t.

My problem is that now I feel like all the things I used to give her emotionally (a shoulder to cry on, someone to gossip with, etc.) she now gets from him. I feel that if I say something she might break off her friendship and resent me later. I want my wife to have a life outside of our marriage. How can I talk to her and not make her think I want to control her life? — Confused in New Hampshire

A You miss her. Say so. You’re happy she has a friend, but you miss her.

It’s neither controlling nor possessive. Nor unfair, paranoid, jealous or scared. It’s what a husband should feel when his wife isn’t around as much. (Imagine if you felt relief.) If she doesn’t miss you, then best to find out now.

If she offers to end the friendship, though, refuse; just ask for more time with her. Then make some. Make dinner reservations, buy show tickets, hold hands. Renew your friendship.

Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

Loading…

Humans of Greenville

@HumansofGville

Local photographer Joe Pellegrino explores Greenville to create a photographic census of its people.

Look

January 13, 2019

While I have been traveling up and down North Carolina’s roads in search of local eateries, UNC Law School professor Gene Nichol has been traveling the same roads looking for something else.

I was gathering material for my book, “North Carolina’s Roadside Eateries,” and…

DGMartin

January 13, 2019

The first mistake was opening the refrigerator door. I opened it silently, but it emits a silent sound unknown to science that only cats can hear. From under the bedcovers at the other end of the house. And they do not need to walk or run to the refrigerator to inspect what I'm doing. One second,…

JimMullen

January 11, 2019

As I write this review, it’s still up in the air whether Kevin Hart will host this year’s Academy Awards. He was picked because he’s funny, he’s a performer of color, and his star was on the ascendance.

But someone dug up old comments by Hart that were homophobic. The…

Upside

January 11, 2019

ARBA — Sybil Thomas is not your average “little old lady.”

Rather than bemoaning the aging process, she has walked right up to it, looked it dead in the eye and given it an impish wink.

Thomas celebrated her 100th birthday Dec. 30, surrounded by friends and family at Hull Road…

0109-sybil2.jpg

January 09, 2019

 

Q: I don’t think my mom ever used anything other than salt, pepper, and cinnamon to flavor food. She said it was silly and expensive to a container and then use only ¼ teaspoon. I am intrigued by the possibility that some herbs might be helpful in controlling inflammation. Can…

Kolasa, Kathy

January 06, 2019

It was in 1983 that parents told leaders of the Diocese of Lafayette, Louisiana, west of New Orleans, that Father Gilbert Gauthe had molested their sons.

Dominos started falling. The bishop offered secret settlements to nine families — but one refused to remain silent.

The rest is a long,…

Terry Mattingly

January 06, 2019

What really happened to Virginia Dare, the first child of English parents born in the New World? The same Virginia Dare whom I suggested recently belonged on “The World Almanac’s” list of famous North Carolinians.

A few weeks ago I wrote about Sir Walter Raleigh’s…

DGMartin.jpg

January 06, 2019

In a year filled with heightened political vitriol, two deaths brought the nation together to remember men who represented a seemingly bygone era of U.S. politics.

George H.W. Bush was a president, vice president, congressman, CIA director and Navy pilot during World War II, where he flew 58…

YE Deaths

January 05, 2019

For to make chireseye, tak chiryes at þe feast of Seynt Iohn þe Baptist, & do awey þe stonys …

— Hieatt, Constance B. and Sharon Butler. Curye on Inglish: English Culinary Manuscripts of the Fourteenth-Century (Including the Forme of Cury). New York: for The Early…

pruncaro.jpg

January 05, 2019

SERVICES

■ New Beginnings Deliverance Center, 217 Queen Drive, will host “The Twelve Tribes of Israel” at 4 p.m. today. A Communion service will be held at 11 a.m. Sunday. Breakfast will be served following the service.

■ St. Matthew True Born Faith of Christ Church, 601 Norris St.,…

010519religionnewspugh
133 stories in Look. Viewing 1 through 10.
«First Page   «Previous Page        
Page 1 of 14
        Next Page»   Last Page»