Short Answers, Sept. 9
Paula Forman and Jeff Johnson
Sunday, September 9, 2018
MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
Dear Short Answers: I’ve been a friend of Mary Claire’s for five years now. Her daughter is getting married and does not want any of her former coaches or teachers present (my husband is one of them). Mary Claire asked if I can attend as the guest of another friend (female) of ours who was also invited alone. She said she hopes my husband will understand, acknowledging that this is indeed awkward, yet making it clear that it is her daughter’s wedding and naturally, the bride rules.
I have been leaning toward not attending; however, my husband, a very sound person and not hurt by any of this, knows how immature the daughter is and feels I may disappoint Mary Claire if I do not attend the wedding as our friend’s guest. While I understand that I must “follow the rules” in this situation, I know that I won’t be comfortable addressing innocent inquiries at the wedding as to why my husband is not present. Way too much to think about here, and I’m not even the bride! LOL! So, my ask is this: Go or not go and why? — Betty
Dear Betty: Go to the wedding. If people ask where your husband is, say he wasn’t invited. Simple.
DON'T ASK, NEVER TELL
Dear Short Answers: I know that I shouldn’t have told him, but I admitted to my boyfriend that I had sex with quite a few guys before I met him. Now, he can’t stop talking about it. When we have sex, he asks me how he “rates.” When we don’t have sex, he asks me if I had enough with my previous flames. I’ve told him several times that that part of my life is over, but he won’t leave well enough alone. Do you think he’ll get over it one day or is this a warning sign that we should break up now? — Sorry
Dear Sorry: When a new partner asks about past sex, the least information is always best. It is kind of like the “do I look fat?” question. Now that you’ve spilled the beans (and obviously made him insecure), devote a few weeks to restoring his confidence.
Dear Short Answers: I have three sisters and two brothers, and we are all over 50. Some of my siblings have made bad financial, career and education choices in their lives and are paying the price for it now. Several of them have asked for major “loans” from me. And when I say “major” I mean more than $25,000. I can afford to do it, but I’m afraid that “lending” them the money will make our sensitive relationship even worse. Is it better to lend the money and risk never getting it back, or should I force them to fend for themselves? — “Richie Rich”
Dear Rich: We hear you clearly that “loans” are not “loans,” they are gifts. Now, how do you feel about it? How do your sibs feel about it? Be clear with them — and with yourself. Gift, not loan. Get it?
IMMUTABLE LAW OF NATURE
Dear Short Answers: I caught my friend cheating on his girlfriend. Should I tell her? — Pete
Dear Pete: No, she will find out in time. Everyone does.
Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t. Send a question about whatever is bothering you to firstname.lastname@example.org or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every Sunday in The Daily Reflector.