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May 2007
Words are coming
I have never been a big fan of horror movies, but I have watched my fair share throughout the years. And one common theme runs through almost all of them - that strange sound you hear is the killer coming.
So it is no wonder that in each movie, the characters become paranoid. Each creaking or groaning of the house has to be something evil coming. The sound of the tree limb banging the window outside is the harbinger of death. Every little noise results in a startled, “What’s that?” And usually results in minutes of panic and anxiety before another gory moment.
Well, as parents, I think we have moments like this. Sure, noises late at night make us jump up to make sure our child is ok. But this isn’t my point. I am thinking more of those first “words” your child utters. Every babble means something, right?
Come on now. Any of you who are a parent are just a guilty as I am. My daughter every now and then busts out with something that sounds like mama or dada, so that has to be what she is saying right? I mean the grunt I heard yesterday in response to a question I had asked her sounded kind of like good, so she said good, right?
My daughter definitely says “baba,” which is Chinese for baby. I am not sure she knows exactly what it means, but she has no trouble saying it. And I encourage her every time she uses it. And then I toss out a few dadas for good measure hoping she will offer one back.
Officially, I don’t think my daughter is talking yet. And I am completely comfortable with that. Maybe she will be like the brother of a friend of mine. He was very slow in speaking, to the point where his family was quite concerned. Finally, when he did speak, he offered forth a complete sentence. Now, that is a grand entrance.
I can almost see my daughter doing that one morning, looking at me and saying, “Dad, those clothes don’t match.” And after the shock of the moment wore off, I would have to admit - she’s right!
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The Comparison Game
Ty, what did you shoot today?
Oh, Judge, I don’t keep score.
Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
By height.
Anyone who has seen the movie “Caddyshack” more than once remembers this exchange between the characters played by Ted Knight and Chevy Chase. It’s a simple, yet pointed, reminder of how we all compare ourselves in one way or another to those around us.
Parents seem to be notorious for the comparison game when it comes to their children. We do it because we are proud. We enjoy speaking of our child’s accomplishments, whether it is first steps or words, or the good grades they get at school.
People ask me almost daily how my daughter is doing. And nothing is better than talking about her, but there is this little voice in the back of my head that wants to say something like, “Yes, she discovered a new planet today.” Mind you, that is highly unlikely even for the most gifted 1-year-old. But that would certainly end all comparisons now, wouldn’t it?
We compare our children by how tall they are or by how many words they can say or a myriad of other things. And at times, it can be discouraging when another child surpasses what your own is capable of doing. I am constantly reminding myself that my daughter is doing exactly what it is she was meant to do at this particular age. I shouldn’t push her to do more than she is capable of, but I should encourage her to move forward.
At what age do we learn this “comparison game?” I watched my daughter play with another child her age last weekend, and I can’t say I saw any comparing going on. They played, nothing more. They didn’t lie down next to each other to see who was taller or see who could eat more. They simply had fun.
It was a great reminder to me as a parent to simply sit back and enjoy watching my daughter grow, take her first steps, utter her first words, etc. It’s not a contest. And there is nothing to which I can compare it.
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