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Friday, May 4, 2007
The Comparison Game
Ty, what did you shoot today?
Oh, Judge, I don’t keep score.
Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
By height.
Anyone who has seen the movie “Caddyshack” more than once remembers this exchange between the characters played by Ted Knight and Chevy Chase. It’s a simple, yet pointed, reminder of how we all compare ourselves in one way or another to those around us.
Parents seem to be notorious for the comparison game when it comes to their children. We do it because we are proud. We enjoy speaking of our child’s accomplishments, whether it is first steps or words, or the good grades they get at school.
People ask me almost daily how my daughter is doing. And nothing is better than talking about her, but there is this little voice in the back of my head that wants to say something like, “Yes, she discovered a new planet today.” Mind you, that is highly unlikely even for the most gifted 1-year-old. But that would certainly end all comparisons now, wouldn’t it?
We compare our children by how tall they are or by how many words they can say or a myriad of other things. And at times, it can be discouraging when another child surpasses what your own is capable of doing. I am constantly reminding myself that my daughter is doing exactly what it is she was meant to do at this particular age. I shouldn’t push her to do more than she is capable of, but I should encourage her to move forward.
At what age do we learn this “comparison game?” I watched my daughter play with another child her age last weekend, and I can’t say I saw any comparing going on. They played, nothing more. They didn’t lie down next to each other to see who was taller or see who could eat more. They simply had fun.
It was a great reminder to me as a parent to simply sit back and enjoy watching my daughter grow, take her first steps, utter her first words, etc. It’s not a contest. And there is nothing to which I can compare it.
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