Home > The Last Drag
Day 60: The final drag (and thank yous)
One of the most humbling moments of one’s life is admitting an addiction.
In essence, it’s revealing to your loved ones that something — some inanimate substance — has taken control over your life and well-being and you’re helpless to stop it alone. But it’s the most crucial step to finding a place within yourself that is greater than you ever imagined as a user.
I’ve never been one for the hard stuff — with an addictive personality designated by genetics, I know I could get hooked on anything I touch. But it was curiosity at 13 years old that led me to cigarettes, and only after my step-father died from COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) did I realize I needed to address my problem and end it for good.
On this forum, I decided to document all of my trials, triumphs and plentiful pitfalls in hopes that it might help someone else break free from their own habits. It wasn’t easy. Some days were more than miserable and I still wonder how I retained any friends through that first month. But 60 days later, I finally feel like I’ve broken free.
I want to offer my most sincere thank yous to every single person who sent e-mails or left encouraging comments. I started this to share my experience, and to show people that they, too, could drop the habit after if they could bear through a few bad weeks. Knowing I opened discussion and support for even a few people is always worth it, despite the expected criticism and negativity.
And an enormous thank you to my friends and poor, poor boyfriend who kept an eye on me during weekends, or even snagged cigarettes out of my fingers during those rough nights.
It is never, ever, too late to stop whatever has control of your life. Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, gambling, even eating disorders can become serious addictions but they can all end with a little support and a lot of determination.
Good luck to you all on many, many long, smokeless years!
XOXO,
Kristin
PS: In the picture I am smoking a cigarette — not chewing gum — but I can understand the confusion.
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post your comment |
Day 54: Far-off places
Anyone in the midst of quitting or just thinking about it should seriously consider replacing that desire for a cigarette with an new outlook on exercise. Thirty days after I snuck my last cigarette during a Memorial Day cookout, I’m continuously surprised by myself.
Like yesterday, I wanted to push my running further, so decided to run from the corner of Holly and First streets, to the post office on Tenth Street and then on to Harris Teeter on Charles Boulevard. The trip took me half the time I expected, and I felt like I was breathing better than ever. Probably because I was.
It’s the little achievements every single day that can give you motivation to keep going. And, so far, it’s been more worth it than I ever imagined.
I’m off to Brunswick County tomorrow. Happy weekend!
Permalink | Comments (1) | Post your comment |
Day 53: Hutchinson is not a fan
Eric Hutchinson just tweeted about his disdain for technology due to this new electronic cigarette he saw.
Check out the picture here.
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post your comment |
Day 52: My dentist would be soooo proud
During the last couple of days, I’ve noticed my teeth seem a little whiter than usual. Lack of tar, or because I actually flossed?
Here’s some info on smoking’s effect on your teeth.
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post your comment |
Day 51: Secondhand
Nine more days until I reach Day 60, and after almost two months since my decision to quit, I’m noticing a direct correlation between my health and my exposure to second-hand smoke.
For the first three weeks, being around smokers was a sweet relief. If I couldn’t have a cigarette myself, at least I could smell it and remember how nice and relaxing they were.
Now, I can’t stand it.
On Saturday night, I spent an unusual amount of time on the smoker’s porch at my friend’s house, just to be outdoors and talk with smokers I hadn’t seen in months. While I managed OK during the evening, I spent most of the night hacking out a lung. My chest was in terrible pain the next morning, and I thought about calling up my doctor.
Then yesterday, I somehow stayed away from smoke all day, and got the best sleep I’ve gotten in a loooong time last night.
This is the best part; what makes all of the tough times worth it are the moments when you realize you don’t want to smoke ever again — and don’t need to.
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post your comment |
Day 48: Hot like cigarette cherry
Get ready for even more heat, Greenville.
But if there’s one good thing about it begin 100 degrees outside over the weekend, it’s that not smoking is going to be even easier. And it’ll be so nice to hang out in the pool without worrying about my cigarette getting wet.
On the downside, nice weather means cookouts. Cookouts usually lead to a lot of temptation.
Coughing is still an issue, but mostly at night. And my appetite is starting to return. I even ate an Andy’s cheeseburger for the first time since I attempted the Big A Challenge last May.
Twelve more days until I reach my first goal. Happy weekend, everyone.
Permalink | Comments (3) | Post your comment |
Day 47: Tasty
When I was thinking about quitting cigarettes for good, a lot of people told me my taste buds would change.
Well, I hadn’t noticed anything until a couple of weeks ago after I spent nearly 30 minutes preparing an ultimate salad with all my favorite toppings. When I took that first bite, anticipating all of its delicious splendor, I realized it was horrible. At least to me.
I had almost hoped everything would taste even better, but I guess everyone’s experience is different.
I say this as my cough is subsided and now I just don’t have an appetite for anything. Surely, this must be a cold. Or maybe I just can’t comprehend the idea that doing something to make your body healthy will make you annoyingly sick first.
Permalink | Comments (2) | Post your comment |
Day 46: Still feeling horrible
Officially tired of this persistent cough — literally exhausted.
Here’s something I thought was interesting and might keep you busy:
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post your comment |
Day 45: The ‘not yet’ excuse
So coughing all night got the best of me and I was out of the office yesterday. Leaving early today, too.
But thanks to everyone who left comments and suggested the coughing is due to quitting. It makes sense, and I’m mentally pushing for that instead of something more serious.
One comment brought me to another thought, however, concerning the ‘not yet’ excuse for people who want to quit — just not yet.
When I was a freshman at ECU, I started writing a lot more. I was also an avid “Sex and the City” fan and picked up some bad habits from Carrie Bradshaw. About half-way through the semester was certain that I couldn’t write without having a cigarette lit. I believed it helped my creative instincts, and probably drove my non-smoking Belk Hall suitemates insane.
As a sophomore, I quit smoking for two years — the same time I started writing and editing for The East Carolinian. When my personal life fell apart and I started smoking again, I did it to focus on my writing, ignoring the fact that I had published several articles easily and without a cigarette for the previous 24 months.
When I finally stopped believing that, I started making excuses. Wait until I’m finished with college. Wait until I find a better place to live. Wait until after my trip to Savannah. After I finish this big article. After tax season. After I get over this breakup. After Charlie’s funeral.
I think I first told my friends I was trying to quit in November 2007. I didn’t actually do it until May 2009. And now 45 days after I told myself “no more,” and 23 days after my last relapse, I can say I dropped a lot of cash putting the puppy through emergency tests from Saturday to Monday — including a Parvo test we were all sure would come out positive — and I didn’t even think about a cigarette once. My first smoke-free mini-crisis.
I am a full believer that no one should ever try to quit without being completely ready and willing. Which I why I am also a full believer in listing why you SHOULD quit, and keep that as your motivation. And remember, the only reason you think you can’t do something without a cigarette, is because you haven’t seen yourself do it yet.
Permalink | Comments (4) | Post your comment |
Day 41: Coughing = Clearing?
DR Reporter Ginger Livingston thinks I might be coughing so much because my lungs are healing. She thinks my body might just be trying to get rid of all the tar and other lovely things I stuck to my lungs. Has anyone ever heard of that before. I just figured I have a cold I can’t shake because I never get enough sleep.
But anyway, hope everyone has a wonderful smoke-free weekend! If you’re looking for something to keep you busy during the day tomorrow, try the skateboard competition at Fusion Skate Park tomorrow at 1 p.m. or the Human Society’s Dog Wash from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at Jarvis Memorial United Methodist, or the Spring Festival at 11 a.m. on the Town Common.
Permalink | Comments (2) | Post your comment |
Day 39: Big steps
Congress is definitely taking a hold on the cigarette business.
Check out this interesting article I found today.
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post your comment |
Day 38: Come on, Day 60
In 22 days I reach Day 60.
I can’t figure out why I’m so excited by that date. I guess because several people have told me that after two months, I won’t really have to worry about cravings anymore.
I really hope so.
But I try to remind myself that nothing magical will occur on Day 60. I won’t be healed forever, and probably will never be.
The depressing thing about addiction is it never goes away. We chose to pick up that first cigarette, and now we must pay for the rest of our lives.
Sad but true.
Luckily, we also get the experience of hardships that come with quitting. Getting over this can only make one stronger than ever.
On an interesting, newsy side-note, the NC House decided not to increase tax on cigarettes after all. Check it out.
Permalink | Comments (5) | Post your comment |
Day 37: Booze N Loose
Another Monday after another weekend without cigarettes, and if it weren’t for a seemingly never-ceasing cold, I hope I’d be able to tell you I feel awesome!
Although I can say that playing with the kids at my friend’s son’s first birthday party on Saturday without worrying about smelling like smoke — or having to run off and sneak a cig — was convenient. And my only craving, as usual, was at night when I went to my hometown’s shabby little beach bar and hung around a lot of old friends and family members who remained dedicated to the cancer stick.
Which brings me to the issue of alcohol. Several people have suggested that if your cigarette habit goes hand in hand with your alcohol consumption, you should quit drinking, too. And I think that is a really good idea.
The only times I have relapsed and the only times I crave cigarettes now are in bar environments. I know now that if I had stayed away from the establishments — at least for the first few weeks — my journey to cessation would have been much easier.
But that’s said and done. And now it becomes an issue of how much I am willing to change my life. These last few weeks I’ve been successful in taming my cravings, and thus haven’t put much thought into which social engagements I attend and which to avoid.
However, if being in an alcohol-infused environment ever began to compromise my goals, I would certainly have to start engaging less in nightlife and more in healthy, sunny activities.
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post your comment |
Day 34: Schwinn
Today I interviewed an ECU grad student who just returned from participating in Tour d’Afrique.
For four months, he was over in Africa with a group of about 45 people cycling through the continent. In the process everyone lost about 25 pounds and was accustomed to riding for 100 miles daily after a couple of weeks.
He really made me want to ride my Schwinn to my friend’s birthday barbecue tonight — if it wasn’t raining.
But he also made me think that I’ve been too easy on myself. I am not completely healed from the damaged I caused my body while I was smoking, but that’s no excuse to keep pushing my self further and further each day. Instead, I’ve found comfort in my regular running trails and stuck to them.
I think Day 34 is a good time to stop whining about how my old addiction has made things harder, and to start working harder toward being better than ever.
At least working toward something will make it easier to ignore cravings over the weekend.
Permalink | Comments (1) | Post your comment |
Day 33: Current tally …
So 33 days ago I hit my deadline to quit smoking. A couple weekends later I relapsed and had a couple. The next weekend, I had a few more after a cookout party.
So, after trying to quit 33 days ago, I can say I’m officially smoke-free for the last 11 days. Is it possible to be completely over it with that record?
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post your comment |
Day 32: Goofy break
Need a break from the stresses of the day? Sometimes it’s nice to revert to one’s childhood.
I found a silly 6-minute video of Goofy — who has also decided to quit smoking — from 1951.
Enjoy! You may even learn a little German from the subtitles.
Permalink | Comments (1) | Post your comment |
Day 31: Weighing consequences
There’s one big issue for smokers — especially women — who want to quit I haven’t figured out how to address yet — gaining weight.
A lot of people gain weight when they quit smoking for several reasons, such as a change in one’s metabolism or replacing the need for nicotine with comfort foods.
I’ve spoken with a few people who’s doctors told them it was OK to gain weight for a bit, just as long as they kicked cigarettes completely. And I agree with that sentiment. However, you also have to remember that obesity is harmful to one’s health as well. Eventually, you’ll have to get back in shape.
I, personally, have no stepped on a scale since I quit. I figured that if I did notice my weight increasing, it would discourage my efforts to quit smoking and I would like to wait for the first 60 days to be over before heading down that road.
But keeping in mind that my metabolic rate has probably slowed, I’ve made the effort to keep on top of my workout routines. I may not have more time to dedicate to running or ab workout tapes, but when I am out on the trail, I kick it up a notch.
When I used to jog a mile and walk the rest of the time, now I run for the majority of the trip. I’ve upped the intensity of toning workouts and I don’t take as many resting breaks. And since my breathing has already improved so much, it’s much easier to do so.
So, yeah, I may end up gaining a couple pounds by the end of this blog. But I know that by quitting, my overall workout and health will only improve for years to come.
Here’s a link for more information on why quitters gain weight and what you can do to stop it. It also addresses drinking alcohol shortly after you quit. In summary: not a good idea.
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post your comment |
Day 30: Some (not so) fresh air
Happy Monday!
And thank for Debra for reminding me about the North Carolina Health and Wellness Trust Fund. I have been meaning to try calling the Quit Line, but simply haven’t taken the initiative to find the number.
In case you didn’t see the comment, Debra says you can get real help by calling (800) 784-8669, and they’ll even call you back a couple of times to make sure you’re on the right track.
Every time I go out with friends and find myself having terrible cravings, I wish I had that number programmed into my cell. Friday night was one of those nights.
I was hanging out watching live bands at Pirate’s Den with my smoker friends enjoying their smoking habits. What began as a small desire to steal a drag, turned into an almost desperate need to devour a cigarette. Toward the end of the night, I began sneaking off toward the pool tables in search of someone who would let me bum a cig, or maybe spare one for a quarter.
But every single time I reached my destination, my boyfriend would catch me and bring me back to our table. I hated him that night — even started lying and told him that I was going to sit with some friends — but was grateful to him the rest of the weekend.
The next night, Day 28, I had a breakthrough. I was in Raleigh for Downtown Live and standing guard close to the stage between Parmalee’s set and headliners Candlebox. As I stood among thousands of people packed together and refusing to move as roadies set up the stage, about four people lit up their cigarettes. And as one finished, another person would light up, then another, and another.
Standing there in the heat surrounded by sweaty strangers blowing smoke in my direction, I turned to my friend and said, “I actually think I’ll never want a cigarette again now.”
“There it is,” he said. “You’re over your cravings.”
Hope so.
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post your comment |
Day 26: Today’s findings
I’ve been having trouble sleeping (or really just staying asleep because of the puppy), so in order to reduce brain activity, I took some down time to look for some interesting new developments in the world of smoking, and of course share them with you.
You may have already heard of the SmokeStik. It’s a small electronic device that looks and feels like a cigarette, and contains liquid nicotine, but doesn’t contain tobacco or toxins. Instead of smoke, it releases steam. Be forewarned, the SmokeStik isn’t meant to aid in smoking cessation, but can help those by being a substitute for cigarettes.
The FDA hasn’t approved the SmokeStik in America, citing that there’s no way to control nicotine intake, and Australia’s banned it altogether. But if you’d like more information or would like to try it, visit the Web site.
Here’s a link to one writer’s review, too.
For some extra initiative for quitting, I found a story on how American Indian tribes could receive billions from the tobacco tax.
That’s not the reason to quit. The story also mentions a possible 75-cent increase in cigarette tax this September. That would make the current $1.77 tax per pack raise to $2.52.
Ouch.
Finally, I found a very interesting article from The Vancouver Sun about how smoking cigarettes actually increases stress, rather than creating an ultimate calm.
“Many smokers perceive smoking as a way to calm stress, when, in fact, what they’re doing is satisfying nicotine cravings and withdrawal,” the paper quoted Rob Cunningham, senior policy analyst for the Canadian Cancer Society. “In many respects, smoking — or the delay in having a cigarette — is the cause of stress.”
Permalink | Comments (2) | Post your comment |
Day 25: Viral support
This morning, a reader sent me an e-mail with a great site for anyone who wants/needs a little extra support.
At About.com, there is an online forum for former smokers in all stages of quitting. You can post questions, offer words of encouragement or simply check out what other people are saying to keep yourself motivated. You might even have a discussion with someone else in Greenville.
Thanks, Sherry!
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post your comment |
Day 24: New ideas on relieving stress
Great gravy, Memorial Day was tough!
I spent the weekend doing everything I could think of to stay busy and productive — like relearning German, learning my G, D and C cords on the guitar, training the puppy and a couple hours of unnecessary yard work — so I wouldn’t have much time to fall into my regular long-weekend-of-relaxation routine.
But of course I had finished all of my chores by the time some friends came over for the Sunday cookout, and it got a little rough. I hope your weekend was better than mine.
On a good side note: Brantly now knows the “setzen” command (or “sit,” in German).
When I got to work this morning, I got a call from my friend who saw an advertisement for my blog and told me she, too, was on the road to quitting. After smoking 2-3 packs of Marlboro Reds a day, her aunt’s recent MRI revealed tumors on her spine and in every major organ of her body. She could have caught it sooner, perhaps, but she didn’t have the health care to do so.
I my friend that perhaps this would be a little bit of a blessing in a really horrible disguise for her own health. She agreed.
But then she said the same thing I told myself for about a year and a half; she said she’s been able to go 4-5 days without cigarettes but then something bad will happen and shell fall right back into it. I think that’s something most of us who try and quit do.
So I went to my trusty Google and found some good stress-relieving ideas at Ambafrance-do.org.
Here are some examples:
Use self-hypnosis. Lie down and relax your body step by step. Remember a peaceful place in detail, using all your senses. Really be there in your imagination.
Change your diet: less salt, less sugar, less alcohol, less fat, less meat, less coffee; more fluids, fruits, vegetables, whole grain cereals, and fish. Enjoy a balanced meal plan for proper nutrition.
Drive to a peaceful park, forest, beach, mountain or meadow.
Take the day off or go on vacation.
Listen to a comedy recording; watch a live comedy show or video.
Don’t spend $100 worth of energy for a 10-cent problem.
Break down a major task into several small tasks.
Give compliments and enjoy taking compliments.
Be thankful for what you have, such as a comfortable bed, friends, food, water, a chance to work or freedom.
Latest comments
Dr. Gil Lederman
Does anyone one’s hands on any circumstance with ripoffreport.com? It’s basically a non-edited database of consumer
complaints. Anyone can set a
“communicate” and
happen
... read the full comment by JohnMuscaLawyer | Comment on Day 45: The 'not yet' excuse Read Day 45: The 'not yet' excuse
nipi heywood subtract ante underage mandate vitro nbsigthe tobacco
... read the full comment by Ambien | Comment on Day 38: Come on, Day 60 Read Day 38: Come on, Day 60
jose emerges mena questionstwo daylong mothers ceased artsliterary compile blurring
... read the full comment by buy valium online | Comment on Day 38: Come on, Day 60 Read Day 38: Come on, Day 60
sigcomm appreciation irina plainly infective reframed twelve needing
... read the full comment by Ambien | Comment on Day 38: Come on, Day 60 Read Day 38: Come on, Day 60