There are few people in this world to whom you should never issue a challenge. One of them is Stephen Colbert — simply because he will drag you into his world of mockery and witty cynicism without you even realizing it.

All in good humor, of course.

Photo by Greg Eans/mixer (ENLARGE)

Jason E. Bond, associate professor in the Biology department at East Carolina University, holds a common tarantula in his Greenville lab.

That's what happened June 24 to East Carolina University Associate Professor Jason Bond after he chose to name a spider after Neil Young — a slap in the face to Stephen Colbert, host of "The Colbert Report," a satirical news and talk show on Comedy Central.

At least that's what Colbert says.

And it's not over yet.

In the Bond lab, the biologist specializes in taxonomy — or classification — and phylogeny, evolutionary relatedness, of spiders and millipedes. Through field work and researching museum collections, he and his students study both new and known species, then they name those without a moniker.

"Naming species is not as if you're giving a specimen a nickname," Bond said. "... Those names are permanent, and we essentially follow a set of rules." As long as those rules are followed, Bond can name the spiders whatever he likes.

He received press back in May for naming a trapdoor spider species Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi, after legendary rocker Neil Young. But envy struck Colbert once he heard, and he told his fans via TV, "Where's my spider? I have lots of animals named after me: turtles, eagles, Ontario Junior League hockey mascots.

"The world demands an eight-legged tribute to Stephen Colbert and I do not mean another barbershop quartet."

Bond missed the episode when it first aired, but after hearing about it from a friend, watched it online and contacted the ECU News Bureau.

"I said I would name a spider after him if he would like," Bond said.

Then he got a call from an assistant, asking if it was OK for Colbert to call.

"He (Colbert) is a very nice fellow," Bond said. "And of course he plays a character on the show."

On June 24, Bond ran through one rehearsal before appearing on "The Colbert Report" via telephone.

"So tell me about my spider," Colbert said. "Does it shoot poison darts, does it lay eggs in your ears?"

Bond told Colbert he had to choose one of 27 trapdoor spiders, which lurk under ground, wait until they sense something walking by and grab it. The video of the spider in action impressed Colbert most.

"Oh, my God, that's incredible," Colbert exclaimed. "And it's named after me!"

As Bond spoke, several "visual approximations" paused on screen — cartoon and feature-film versions of Spiderman, a Halloween costume and Toby McGuire in street clothing. Bond said he knew about the pictures ahead of time and thought it was clever. His mom, however, in typical, loving parental bias, was not pleased with the picture of McGuire representing her son.

"She was worried someone would think it was me," Bond said. "And (she said) I'm much better looking than that."

Bond said the "Report" staff was talking about multiple segments, but he didn't know of what that would consist. Now that he has returned from his two-week vacation in July, Colbert will have to choose a species and can reveal its new Bond-given name: Aptastichus stephencolberti. At print time, he had not yet decided.

Bond said he's happy to name a spider after the late-night talk-show host because of the exposure it will bring to biodiversity, citing the importance of those who document the effects individual species have on the ecosystem. He said he's been inundated with e-mails from people who want to name species after loved ones; he might even auction off these names to raise money for ECU research.

But he's also more than willing, because he's a fan and calls Colbert "a comical voice of opposition to some of what has happened in our country."

"I've particularly been a fan since the speech he gave at the White House Correspondence Dinner," Bond said.

"Because names are important, it is quite an honor ... I wouldn't name a species after him if I didn't think it was appropriate."

Bond also has named species after his wife and Nelson Mandella. He has two other names in mind as well, but he's not divulging that information just yet.

Contact Kristin Day at 329-9579 or kday@coxnc.com.