A very distraught male friend approached me the other day and said his name and picture had been posted on a Web site proclaiming him one of the top "players" in Greenville. Baffled and a little angered over the blatant public smearing, he didn't find the situation very funny, but, of course, I had to laugh a little.

At the time, the idea of such a site seemed ridiculous. I had randomly heard reports on such sites before — places where any jilted lover can post a photo and scathingly unflattering review of anyone anonymously and without fear of repercussion — but I never thought people actually used the service. Who had time to put something like that together anyway?

Apparently, many, many people.

While trying to track down my friend's most unwelcomed profile, I found two potential sites: www.dontdatethis.com and the far more popular www.dontdatehimgirl.com.

I went to Don't Date This first, which is divided into one subsite for cheating men and another for women of low moral character. Upon entering Don't Date This Guy, I was astonished at what users had made available for the entire Web-interlinked world. Scorned women are willing to post the most vile and disturbing accusations; words that could not be printed here. But I think it's fair to conclude that if some of these bulletins are not completely accurate, a person's reputation could be unjustly ruined for life.

Over at Don't Date This Girl, it's all basically the same thing with a little more emphasis on the "gold digger" label. But as a warning to any potential users: It's obvious that some of these posts have been written by bitter ex-friends with an agenda, not boyfriends.

Don't Date Him Girl offers a lot more to the ladies. It's more like a social networking site with advice columns, videos and news. And its database is a lot larger; you can search by name, keyword or location, or just check out the top 100 cheaters. They also allow user comments, where women can exchange stories, offer words of encouragement or even make amends with "the other woman."

But I started wondering if there's really so much gratification over ruining another person's reputation. What does it say about these people who spend their time crafting these profiles and exposing all-things-personal? While I admit it can be enticing and sometimes humorous to read, I also have to feel bad for the accused cheater — if it isn't true, that is.

And the most damaging is that anonymous authors get to list all the facts about their subject: Name, age, race, height, weight and hometown.

How could that be legal?

Well, two years ago, Pittsburgh defense lawyer Todd J. Hollis sued the Don't Date Him Girl creator and two women he said posted harmful comments for defamation. But the case was dismissed in 2007 because it was filed in Pennsylvania instead of Florida, the Web site's home base.

Of course, I can sympathize with the women who simply want to warn their peers or want to check a potential date's background — just to see. But as I kept reading the posts, it seems that many of these people simply don't know when to walk away from a relationship. Many of them had caught their significant others cheating several times before and took them back only to find out (surprise!) they're still seeing other women. Or they were the other women as "their" guys hid the affair from the wives.

One woman described how she had dated this "horrible beast" who never kept a job, neglected their child, stole from her, abused prescription medicine, was a pedophile and then finally got caught cheating. She dated him for eight years.

Bottom line is public bashing isn't going to make anyone feel better for long. It might be easier and less time consuming to just move on.

Contact Kristin Day at 329-9579 or via e-mail at kday@coxnc.com.