No doubt you found some parts of your life are doing very well, others are just OK, and some could use a major overhaul. When I ask clients these questions, sometimes I get some resistance around increasing their own happiness. The debate centers on how selfish it is to concentrate on our own happiness when there is so much pain in the world and so much work to be done. My question is, how helpful are people deep in their own misery? Psychologists have documented a human behavior called the “feel good, do good” phenomenon. When people feel good they are more likely to notice and help others in need. When we are content, we tend to pay it forward rather than keeping it to ourselves. Tending our own garden of well-being allows us to have an abundance of energy and resources to share.

Positive psychology has given us many studies that show the way to increasing our own well-being. Sonja Lyubomirsky, in her book “The How of Happiness” explains that we seem to have a genetic set point for general disposition. Her theory says that only about 50 percent of our happiness can be explained by genetics. Ten percent of our happiness is influenced by life circumstances. We might get a temporary boost from those things we can buy or obtain. Winning the lottery, moving to a great house, getting a big raise or buying that must-have item give a quick boost in happiness. However, humans do a funny thing with every uptick in circumstances: We adjust. Pretty soon that wonderful thing that we thought would make us happy forever is ho-hum. This begins the cycle of looking to material things to boost our happiness. After our basic needs for food, shelter and safety are met, the rest just doesn’t really make much difference for long. As demonstrated by the 6-year-old looking for the next great toy, sustained happiness does not come from the accumulation of stuff.

If a portion of our perceived happiness comes from our disposition and we get just a bit from our circumstances, what is left? Dr. Lyubomirsky says this remaining 40 percent is under our control and simply consists of what we choose to do. She writes “The fountain of happiness can be found in how you behave, what you think and what goals you set every day of your life.” She suggests that you find activities that fit your interests, values and needs and concentrate on those to increase your well-being. Many psychologists have documented the value of gratitude in those who report high levels of happiness. This is an attitude of finding the good in your life and in others, consciously counting your blessings. Imagine how you feel after thinking in this way, compared to going over a mental list of grievances. This shift in thinking takes very little time and the payoff is huge. Other strategies that can work to boost our happiness are practicing acts of kindness, nurturing relationships, learning to forgive, managing our stress, staying present in our lives, pursuing goals that align with our values and caring for physical and spiritual needs.

In your own survey, what areas of your life could use some attention? What are some effortful activities that you could do that would increase your well-being in that realm? Instead of reaching for that next quick fix to lift your spirits, think instead of these positive actions that will sustain your well-being. Even small steps count, so take a moment to count your blessings, call a friend or walk outside for a breath of fall air and marvel at the sun or the clouds. When we take action to feel good, then we can turn to doing good.

Joni Emmerling, MA, is a life coach with Mid Atlantic Counseling, Coaching and Educational Services. She coaches clients on academic, career, relationship, parenting and wellness issues. She can be reached at jbemmerling@gmail.com.