Q My father-in-law died seven years ago yesterday. My mother-in-law called my husband first thing this morning, upset because she had not heard from him. I suspect no one called her. My husband said he didn’t even realize yesterday was the day, and if he did, he would have been hesitant to call her for fear of upsetting her.

In our defense, neither of us is the type to commemorate a family member’s death. They are far from forgotten, but personally I would prefer to remember the good days — not the saddest day!

Do we really need to make the effort to remember? I feel she has made little effort to move forward after his death, and it almost feels like remembering would be akin to giving a drink to an alcoholic.

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