'Lord of War' loses the battle with boredom

Writer-director Andrew Niccol's "Lord of War" is just like the last movie he helped dream up. You know, the aptly named Tom Hanks choker "The Terminal."

"Lord" also should be DOA. The film would seem to have potential. It's a frank, bloody, bullet-riddled depiction of life as an unscrupulous international arms dealer. It boasts capable stars (among them Nicolas Cage, Jared Leto and Ethan Hawke) and even more capable technique (especially the cinematography).

Lions Gate Films 'Lord of War' C- The verdict: Often heavy-handed and terminally dull depiction of the violent world of unscrupulous international arms deals. Director: Andrew Niccol Starring: Nicolas Cage, Jared Leto, Bridget Moynahan, Ian Holm, Eamonn Walker Run time: 122 minutes Release date: September 16, 2005 Rating: R for strong violence, drug use, language and sexuality. See showtimes On the web Official movie site View the trailer    Trailers require Quicktime Rate "Lord of War"   Go see it   Make it a matinee   Wait to rent   Don't bother Voter Limit: Once per Hour View Poll Results

But "Lord" is dull. Dirty dishwater dull. Terminally dull.

Like George Clooney's earnest Chuck Barris spy story "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind," which took decent acting and decent filmmaking and still somehow emerged limp, distant and unconvincing, "Lord" tries to sell a despicable character and fails.

Sure, it can be done. There are countless examples, from Marlon Brando in "The Godfather" to Anthony Hopkins in "The Silence of the Lambs." They're pretty evil.

Maybe Niccol's problem is that he pulls his punches.

Cage plays Yuri Orlov, the son of a Ukrainian immigrant who finds that while selling borscht fulfills man's need to eat, bullets fulfill another, though baser, necessity. It's more lucrative, too.

Trouble is, while Niccol paints Orlov as immoral, he also takes care that he doesn't go so far as to completely distance the character from an American audience. Orlov, you see, doesn't trade with Osama bin Laden. Because, as Orlov says, "back then, he was bouncing checks."

How convenient.

The director too often reaches for the obvious. When Cage and his brother (Leto) delve into the drug business, the soundtrack blares Eric Clapton's rocking "Cocaine." After the Berlin Wall falls, Cage, who's traveled to his native Ukraine to run guns, is shown sitting on an overturned statue of Lenin, the actor's fingers working a hand-held calculator.

"Lord" spans more than a decade and about four continents in weaving its tale of wealth, stealth and death. It's heavy on narration and heavy-handed with its dramatics. The opening is an overripe, mostly computer-generated depiction of the life of a bullet from factory conception to transport to being fired toward the brain of a young African male.

For his part, Cage plays Orlov with the often slump-shouldered, droopy aura of a character grappling with the burden of moral choices. But as the film illustrates with another heavy-handed metaphor, when bullets fly, he hears only cash-register rings.

"Lord" lasts two hours, but it feels more like a three-hour tour.