Mr. Smithee's 25 Horror Spectaculars

For your Halloween pleasure, I am going to count down the definitive list of Mr. Smithee's 25 Horror Spectaculars (in order). They are here not specifically because they scared you. They are here only because they scared me. And let me say upfront, if you don't agree with me, I happen to suffer from acid reflux. So there.

< Alan Smithee, the movie guy

25. "Misery" (1990) - When Kathy Bates starts swinging the sledgehammer at James Caan's feet, I just can't watch. Besides, in the book she actually sliced off his puppies.

24. "Blue Velvet" (1986) - When Dennis Hopper starts inhaling the fun stuff in his mask, I always drop my popcorn.

23. "Night of the Living Dead" (1968) - "They're coming for you, Barbara!"

22. "Rosemary's Baby" (1968) - Drugs, sex and the whole darned thing.

21. "Carrie" (1976) - Trust me, Piper Laurie is Mother Smithee.

20. "The Thing" (1951 or 1982) - Take your pick. Both versions are worth getting the jitters over.

19. "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre" (1974) - Best use of a motorized saw in filmdom. (Runners-up would be "Evil Dead 2, " the 2004 version of "Dawn of the Dead" and, of course, "Fargo.")

18. "Les Diaboliques" (1955) - The darkest, creepiest hallway you'll ever see.

17. "Frankenstein" (1931) - Try watching it at midnight, alone, when you're 8 years old.

16. "The Blair Witch Project" (1999) - I don't care how stupid you think it is, it's still scary. The second-best psychological frightfest.

15. "The Shining" (1980) - I keep having this dream where I'm Scatman Crothers saying hello to Jack's ax.

14. "The Haunting" (1963) - Director Robert Wise's original black-and-white masterpiece is the only true bump-in-the-night movie. The best psychological frightfest ever.

13. "The Sixth Sense" (1999) - And to answer your question, it's probably going to be the only good trick-ending movie Shyamalama-ding-dong is ever going to make.

12. "An American Werewolf in London" (1981) - Not long after the creature devoured Griffin Dunne, Mrs. Smithee went into labor and, soon, D.W. Smithee was born.

11. "Scream" (1996) - Scary can also be fun.

10. "Halloween" (1978) - Fun can also be scary.

9. "Audition" (2000) - My less esteemed columnist colleague Jordy "Not Ray Charles" Purlky Jr. suggested I sample this one. It's Japanese - with bizarre visions, dismemberments, sex fiends, acupuncture in the eyes. And it goes where "Misery" feared to tread, so to speak.

8. "Peeping Tom" (1960) - A disturbing look at a very disturbed guy.

7. "The Exorcist" (1973) - "Your mother sews socks . . ." (or something like that), pea soup and "Why you do this to me, Demmy?"

6. "Nosferatu" (1922) - The most beautiful horror movie ever made.

5. "Psycho" (1960) - He's a creep, she can't see the writing on the wall - and the shower scene is simply amazing.

4. "Alien" (1979) - Minus the stupid boo scare with the kitty cat, it's all exquisite tension.

3. "The Vanishing" (1988) - The chilling Dutch-French original, not the lame Kiefer Sutherland remake. What can I say? I'm claustrophobic.

2. "The Silence of the Lambs" (1991) - "It rubs the lotion on its skin."

1. "To Kill a Mockingbird" (1962) - My sixth sense says this is really the best presentation ever of chills from a child's point of view.